Athens, Weddings and Funerals

This past week was both good and stressful. I spent Monday with Heather down in Loganville. It was great to see her again–I really miss having her around. She had a good trip to Hawaii and we got to catch up on lots of things. I drove home late that night but made it alright.

I ran errands on Tuesday. On Wednesday, I went down to Loganville again to help my grandmother with her computer and to visit her. Then, I drove over to Athens to look at apartments. I’m going back with Jeremy this coming Tuesday evening. Hopefully, I’ll have something definite lined up by the end of this week. 

Thursday, I went to look for a dress to wear to Darren’s wedding. Found some really good deals on clothes. Jeremy and I went over to my folk’s house to cook out with them–it was really good to see Stephen and Mark, too. The food was great, too!

Friday, Jeremy and I got up and left for Macon, but not before seeing a huge bear in his yard (we’ve got a few that come around now). I’ll post pictures soon. We made it through the traffic down I-75 and got to our hotel. We went over to the 1842 Inn for the rehearsal and then out to eat with the whole gang. We met some really great folks and had a great time. The next morning, I went to the nail place with Darren’s sister, Amy, and the girls. It was hilarious. They are such nuts. The wedding was beautiful, though I did find myself having extremely mixed feelings about the whole ordeal. Well, not so much about Darren and Shell–I am so very happy for them. But just about weddings in general. Well…lately I’ve had a lot of mixed feelings about marriage in general. I’ll leave that for its own entry.

We got back late last night and this morning Bobby called Jeremy to tell us that his dad had passed away. It’s really sad. We thought he’d be better by now. We’re going over to the funeral home tomorrow to show him some support. We’re thinking about him. R.I.P. Bob Valentine.

It’s a beautiful day and I want to go be outside.

The Science Picnic and Grades

Let’s just say that the past week has been both really tough and really good all at the same time. I survived my finals and I have officially moved out of the dorms (a chore in and of itself). I have quite a few things to get done in the next few weeks, but I think that I will take the next few days to chill out a little. I haven’t seen much of my family lately, so I am really looking forward to being able to hang out with them now. The Stockbridge Johnsons have moved up here now, so I’ll be seeing more of them!

Today was our annual Honors Science Picnic in Demorest Park. It was fun–Dad was able to come. Good thing, too, since he would have missed some good barbecue. Haha. It smelled good, anyways. We got to see Dr. Elrod, Dr. Carrigan, and the rest of the wacky, but loveable, science faculty. Rob was there WITHOUT his labcoat! It was odd to see him without it. I think everyone had a good time, and it was nice to talk to Dave and Wally since I probably won’t get to on Saturday at graduation. I’m gonna miss those guys! I know they’re off to bigger and better things, though, so I’m happy for them both.

Also, more good news. I went by the registrar’s office out of curiousity to see if all of my grades had posted yet…and here they be.

Instrumental Analysis - A
Organic Chemistry II – A
Biochemistry - A
Calculus III - B

I’m really happy with those! Not so much on the B, but it’s better than the C I thought I’d make!  And besides, my core classes are definitely most important to me. Still, not bad for such a grueling semester. I’m just glad I made it through. I really enjoyed biochem in a sick, nerdy way and I know that it will really help me out for my summer experience. I enjoyed Rob’s teaching, too. Always amusing AND informative.

I have been really weirded out the past few months. Partly because I’m a senior now and it’s beginning to dawn on me that I have to start thinking about my post-grad plans and partly because everyone and their brother’s cousin’s turtle’s sister’s best friend is getting married or pregnant or whatever. I talked with Wally today about his engagement and they’re waiting until she gets done with school and he gets a bit of his grad work done–about two years. And suddenly, I began to feel alright about things. It was as if something had clicked in my mind. It’s OKAY to want all of these things–it’s great to want these things–but it’s also perfectly fine to want to wait to finish school (or at least part of grad school in Wally’s case). I felt much better after hearing him talk about it–not just because he’s a good friend, but because he’s someone else who’s caught up in that particular dilemma like myself. It’s so nice to be in a group of people that are supportive about waiting–most of my other friends are not in that mindset.

It just felt good this afternoon to be a geek and for it to be okay. I had a good time. And tomorrow I get to see my family.

On that, I leave you with my quote of the day…

“Great spirits have always encountered opposition from mediocre minds. The mediocre mind is incapable of understanding the man who refuses to bow blindly to conventional prejudices and chooses instead to express his opinions courageously and honestly.”
Albert Einstein, quoted in New York Times, March 13, 1940

Stress, Stress

So I haven’t updated in ages. It’s been busy. Hah. Understatement.

My grandfather has been in the hospital since Spring Break. They released him to come home yesterday, though we still have to hire someone to come stay with him. I hear rumors of nursing/assisted living homes, though I know how that would go over with him(not well). I have tried to be helpful, but I’ve also been trying to stay out of the way since everything that will occur in the next few months/years is ultimately between my father and my grandfather. I know that they have their differences, but I know it will all get worked out.

We had our St. Patrick’s Day celebration on Saturday–it was nice to see my family. I don’t get to see them very often and I miss them more than they may realize. I think it went quite well and was a nice break amidst all the stressful hospital/illness talk.

I had two more friends announce to me over the weekend that they were engaged. And another is pregnant. I am happy for them. Though, I do find myself wondering about my own future quite a bit lately, and it doesn’t look very “kid friendly.” I keep telling myself that I want to wait on a family until I am financially stable, which is the wise thing to do. But I cannot keep myself from thinking about it–it’s a biological thing, I suppose. Maternal instinct and all that jazz. That and it’s all I ever hear from people–”When are you gonna settle down and have kids?!?!?!” Like that is the only end goal for a female. Reproduce. That’s it? I hope not.

I DO want children, I really do. But it’s like everyone I talk to assumes that I need to do that ASAP. “You’ll be done with school soon, right?! Then you can have kids!!” (In reference to my undergraduate degree, by the way.) No pressure or anything(HAH). Um…I am seriously considering grad school…which means five years minimum of not being around to procreate. People just don’t understand why I’d want to do something with my life OTHER than make babies. Yes, that’s great. But ANYONE CAN MAKE BABIES (excluding obvious fertility issues). I mean, seriously, watch Jerry Springer or Maury. Those are the people making lots of babies with everyone. Babies do not always equal perfect families (get the point?). But how many people can say that they’ve helped with research that may help SAVE LIVES (including said babies)?

I don’t know. Thinking about it makes me depressed, so I try not to think about it. I disappoint people no matter what I do. Either I’m barefoot and pregnant or I’m a hardcore career woman doomed to growing old alone with my house full of cats. There is no happy medium with these folks.

I am hoping to see my Heather next weekend–she’s leaving for Hawaii for April, so she’s coming home for a going away event. I’m sure all of the kids will be there, much to my enjoyment. Kids and dogs. Hah.

I need to go to lab now. More later as time permits.

Erg.

We’re supposed to get a “wintry mix” later tonight. Hopefully, I’ll be in bed by then and won’t have to worry about it.

I need to get in touch with Alima again. I miss her.

Jeremy’s aunt passed away today, so he will be going with his folks to the funeral sometime soon. I feel for them.

I need to finish my Calculus and then study my chemistries. I don’t know what dinner holds for me. I don’t feel like going to the dining hall. Blah.

More later.

Frustration

Why can’t I just be happy for people? Sometimes I feel like the only one of my high school friends who isn’t engaged, married, pregant or any combination thereof, and it irritates the piss out of me to have to listen to people go on and on about it. It’s like an exclusive club that they form wherein they don’t talk to others who are not defined by one of the said catagories.

It’s ridiculous. And I find myself rocking back and forth between disgust, self doubt and jealousy. And I know better than that, I really do. There’s nothing wrong with NOT being engaged, married, pregnant or any combination thereof. I don’t know why I have such odd feelings about it, but I do. I just want to smack the next person who mentions to me that “they’re expecting” or “they’re planning the wedding” or “they’re enjoying married life.”

I really should just be happy for people. Perhaps my feelings are brought on by feeling left out, and knowing that I have things (hopefully good opportunities to better myself and help others) ahead of me that will certainly be hindering the ”engagedmarriedpregnancyfamily” part of my life for quite some time. Not that I don’t want those things–believe me, I truly do. I’d love to be able just to settle down and start a family. But I have a feeling that my life will not be that simple. And I know that the Man Upstairs has a plan for me, but sometimes I wish things were that simple.  

I feel angry and like scum all at the same time. Because I should wish my friends well for their engagements, weddings, and pregnancies. Those are great events. Just great events that I am not sure I will be taking part in in this millenia, it seems.

I disappoint myself sometimes. I hate when I get these feelings. Get over yourself. Be humble, be glad, be grateful. 

Talking With The Animals

This past week was long, but I made it through. Now if I can survive my Organic Chemistry exam tomorrow I’ll be doing just fine. I can’t wait to have my Thanksgiving Break. This blasted semester is almost over, thank goodness. It’s driven me nuts and I will be happy to see it go.

I got to spend the weekend with my family and my marvelous Jeremy. We went to a friend’s wedding on Saturday. I think we’ll be having Thanksgiving up at his cabin, which I know he’s excited about.

I went by the new little pet shop this afternoon and made some friends. They seem like nice folks and I got to chat with them about their assortment of creatures. I picked up some aquarium cleaner and ended up bringing home two more bettas (I’m overrun with them now, but they are quite good company). I’ve given them Thai names–Niran and Sakda.

I need to get back to studying. Tiredness.

Eureka.

God, I love it when things make sense. On days like this I really love chemistry.

I need to update this more. Like…uh….everyday. I just have zero time lately between classes, tutoring, homework, Jeremy, and family.

But it’s such a pretty day.

I picked out my china pattern, also. You can go to see it here:
http://wedding.weddingchannel.com/pick_up.asp?uk=3344564356

Jeremy went with me, so everyone kept asking when our wedding was going to be and where and how many guests we’d invited, etc. Evidently, you can’t just buy china for a hope chest anymore–it’s all about being a bride. Not that I don’t hope to be one someday; it was all just a bit too artificial for my likings. It was almost like a bridal factory where you come in one door a regular woman and are shoved out the other side in a white dress with all of their merchandise in tow.

Ah, well. It was an amusing evening, as well as nice of him to put up with it all.

Arrgghhh. I have so much to do lately. I’m tutoring this afternoon, going to visit family, and then studying for my Calc. II midterm tomorrow. I can’t wait for Friday afternoons. They are awesome. I get to see Jeremy then.

Deedee’s birthday is on Saturday and then Calvin’s is Sunday, I think, so we’ll be celebrating birthdays all weekend.

Tiredness.

I must go study my organic chemistry until it makes as much sense to me as my inorganic chemistry.

More later. I am still alive.

EDIT: I miss you, Katie. I hope you have an awesome birthday next week!