For Serious

 So…life is stressful. To the max. And wonderful. And frustrating beyond belief sometimes.

I feel like I work and work and fight and work and still get nowhere. What I do doesn’t matter to people.

Not to mention incredible stress from other things that I will not mention here.

I wish things happened in my life the way they happen in my dreams.

Instead, I’m left feeling inadequate and unworthy. Just a toy for people. Not worth a true commitment.

God help me, I need it. I really do.

Some days it’s all I can do not to cry.

There are things I want in life, but some days I feel like the world’s pressing against me, wishing for me to fail. 

I am such a weak person. So weak and spineless.

I have such wonderful friends. I’m afraid that they would hate me if they knew the real me.

I wish I was worthy of my God’s love. I wish I was a better person.

Getting Better Everyday

 ”Desperate for words, lost in a maze,
It fell apart, I lost my place,
It hurt so bad, I cried for days
Time healed all pain, now I’m okayI’ll rise from all my sorrow,
Let the sun shine on my face

All alone in comfort,
It’s my solitude I will embrace

I will rise from the sorrow…”

From “Quicksand” by Natalie Walker

It’s not always easy, but it’s still getting better everyday. I am working hard and playing hard. More info later when I’ve got less homework.

Love

God does answer prayers.

I will try harder. Because we belong together.

This week has gotten better already.

God Help Me

I wonder how long I can hold out. He needs space and time to figure out what he wants.

My heart hurts and all I want is a big hug from him. It’s the only thing I want in this whole, wide world.

To have him tell me that everything’s okay. And that we’ll work it out.

I know people will tell me just to get over it. 

But, the funny thing is, I don’t want to. 

I know what I want. But he doesn’t.

And I have to respect that.

As painful as this is.

I think I’ve lost my best friend…at least until he wants to talk again.

God help me. I need love right now. God, I need love right now.

They tell you from birth to dream big and that you can do anything you want.

They never said that, if you dream too big, you’ll be dreaming it alone.

99

Sometimes I feel like running away.

But then I realize I’d still be in my own head and that it wouldn’t help.

I’ll write about this week when it is over. It’s too much to wrap my head around right now.